Glossary of a Fund 1 Madman (Part 2)

Every time I think I’ve got this game figured out, I hear a new acronym and spiral into a Google rabbit hole.

So we’re going at it again with Glossary of a Fund 1 Madman: Part 2 —
Where the definitions are emotionally accurate and factually adjacent. If you’re just joining, see Part 1.

Let’s do this.

🧮 Management Fees
The part of the fund you actually live on while pretending you're not just running a very niche WeWork.

⏳ Vintage Year
The year your fund was born—and possibly the last time you slept through the night.

📆 Investment Period
The official window to make deals and the unofficial countdown to LPs asking, “So… where’s the rest?”

🪦 Zombie Fund
A fund that’s technically alive but hasn’t made a new investment since Obama was in office.

🎩 Deal Flow
Your pipeline of possible investments, AKA your daily inbox avalanche of “hot deals.”

🫡 DPI (Distributions to Paid-In Capital)
The “show me the money” metric that proves your fund returned cash, not just a cool logo.

🧠 Track Record
Your career highlight reel—or a "fake it till you make it" slide if this is your Fund I.

🧺 Portfolio Construction
The strategic art of guessing how many startups you can cram into a fund before LPs ask “Why them?”

🧾 Side Letter
The secret menu for LPs who want their own custom deal terms and probably also split checks at dinner.

🧑‍⚖️ Blue Sky Laws
A legal maze designed to make sure you're not selling securities in Nebraska without a lawyer and a prayer.

📍Anchor LP
Your first and favorite investor—also the one who negotiated your soul for 2-and-15.

👻 Data Room
A chaotic Google Drive folder that dares you to piece together a company's financial future like a VC-themed escape room.

🚀 GP Commit
The money you’re supposed to invest alongside LPs to “have skin in the game,” aka “sell a kidney.”

🛟 Subscription Line of Credit
Debt you use to fund deals faster, impress LPs, and terrify your fund admin.

📅 Rolling Close
A way to keep raising money while pretending you're not panicking.

🍝 Spaghetti Chart
A visual representation of your cap table—or a test to see if LPs are still paying attention.

Look, I didn’t set out to become fluent in fund jargon—I just wanted to invest in cool companies and not go broke doing it. But here we are.

Frank is cheering you on today. You’re doing great. Your terms will catch up to your conviction eventually.

Till next time,
- Fund1Frank
Reminding myself I chose this life.