Glossary of a Fund I Madman (Part 1)

Look—raising a fund is basically improv comedy with legal documents. You’re saying yes, nodding confidently, and secretly wondering if “DPI” is a protein shake.

So this week, I’m doing all of us a favor. I made a glossary. Not the boring kind—no MBA required. Just the definitions I wish I had.

Welcome to: Glossary of a Fund I Madman (Part 1)

📜 Limited Partnership Agreement (LPA)
The 100-page prenup you send to LPs to say, “I do... intend to charge fees and maybe deliver returns.”

🕴️ General Partner (GP)
The over-caffeinated optimist who raises capital, signs checks, and secretly googles "how to calculate carry."

💰 Limited Partner (LP)
Mysterious capital allocators who ghost like it's Tinder, then wire millions without blinking.

📈 Internal Rate of Return (IRR)
The imaginary number you manipulate in Excel to prove you're a genius... until audited.

💸 Carried Interest
The magical fairy dust that turns your sweat and spreadsheets into beachfront property.

📞 Capital Calls
Polite emails that say, “Hey, remember when you said you were in? Time to pay up, champ.”

Let’s pause. If those hit a little too hard, take a sip of your reheated coffee and continue bravely.

📊 Net Asset Value (NAV)
The number you whisper to LPs when they ask, “So… how we doing?” while avoiding eye contact.

💧 Waterfall
The mythical structure where everyone gets paid—eventually, somehow, maybe—after fees, hurdles, and a blood oath.

🚪 First Close
The moment you trick the first LP into wiring money and pray the rest follow out of FOMO, not pity.

📽️ Pitch Deck
A PDF mixtape of ambition, buzzwords, and market maps no one reads past slide 7.

At this point in the glossary, Frank started pacing in a Patagonia vest and muttering “Reg D safe harbor” like a spell. But we carry on:

📤 DocSend
The adult version of Snapchat: tracks who’s ghosting your deck, but still won’t fix your slide formatting.

🧾 Tear Sheets
One-pagers designed to make your fund look investable—basically Hinge profiles for LPs.

📜 Investment Company Act of 1940
A regulatory time capsule ensuring your fund complies with laws written when smoking indoors was still cool.

💼 Accredited Investor
An SEC-approved individual with enough money to lose it stylishly in your fund.

📢 Fundraising (Reg D)
The regulation that lets you raise millions—so long as you pretend it’s a private conversation on the internet.

That’s all for Part 1, folks. If your brain is melting, that’s normal. If you’re laughing and learning? That’s Capital Call Club magic.

Stay tuned for Part 2.

Til next time,
— Fund1 Frank
Just updated the waterfall model for the 17th time. Feeling strong.